just a random thought...

sometimes it just pops back into my head, that night my family fell apart. actually i can't really say that, i think my family fell apart a long time ago, this was just the final blow. my mom served him divorce papers and he just lost it. we had to call in the authorities to regain any sense of safety. we lied so he wouldn't be prosecuted. i think we did wrong.

we try to save face and not even acknowledge the incident even happened, but we know, we know it did and it changed our lives forever.

these past couple of years have been one hell of a roller coaster ride. somedays i'm ok that he's no longer in our lives and that we are definitely better without him. other days, i feel so angry, so cheated out of a wholesome family. yes, i blame him. he could have worked harder to make this work, but instead he took the easy way out.

he took to someone else. my mom would have been fine to let him go but he wouldn't leave, he didn't want to leave. we supported him all the while he was supporting someone else. we were idiots. he betrayed our love and our trust. he's scum. he's lower than scum.

we used to be so close, i was his favorite out of 3, i felt special. we had a connection. when did it get disconnected? when did i lose him? when did he stop loving us? why?

i don't think i'll ever know the answers, it pains me to have to come to terms with this.